24 hours before Hurricane Sandy blew up the East coast we couldn’t see our hand in front of our face. We can usually see our church down the hill. Today it is still rainy and dreary but I remind myself the sun does come out.

October was a slow month, actually life has been slow as of late. I never thought the days of endless amounts of diapering, getting dinner on the table and taxiing teenagers would ever come to an end. Except for Lauren, who isn’t home much, I find myself…floundering. I’ve tried to be all big and brave and keep a stiff upper lip regarding the almost empty nest.

It’s no big deal.

I won’t be upset by the fact my chosen field of work is almost done.

I will not wimper every time I walk past empty bedrooms.

All things I have said to myself over the past couple of years but have finally come to the realization I’ve put myself out of a job that I  devoted 27 years to. Isn’t it the same feeling my neighbor feels when she loses her job at the work she has done day in and day out for 30+ years? Now what do I do?

And maybe it hasn’t been a big deal for some of you.

Enjoy the quiet, take up a hobby, don’t fret, spend more time with your hubby…

are all things I’ve heard recently.

But it is a big deal because I love JHKL, I devoted my life to them. I don’t have to tell you mothers what it means to mother well, to be there for the kids God gave you day in and day out. Rob and I gave them to God shortly after they were born and we’ve done it everyday since then, praying they are yours Lord.


…did I love*JHKL more than God. Do I love them or my husband more than God?

Matthew 10:37 is a verse I often go back to so I won’t make my kids, husband or anything or anyone an idol.

God wants “unqualified allegiance.”

There are too many things that attempt to fill my wide open heart. I want to be devoted to Christ (2 Corinthians 11:3).

When Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment, he said it was to love God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your soul. If I am so filled with God won’t that spill over to my neighbor, my children, my spouse?

The dense fog will clear when I fill up to the brim with the Lord. Filling up with the Word of God that gives me everything I need for life and godliness will bring the sun. Filling  my heart with God, filling my mind with God, filling my soul with God everyday and the sudden changes of life and losses that come will seem dim in the light of His glory and grace.

When loss and change of any kind comes what will you fill  heart, mind and soul with?

Team Sullivan is a blog I read almost everyday. Check out this post for further thoughts on filling up with God.

*JHKL= Justin, Hannah, Kelsey, Lauren

This will be my October post. You can read other monthly posts here and why I do a monthly synopsis.