Intersecting Life and Faith

Tag: husband

Are You Afraid to Ask?

I haven’t used this space over the past seven years(blogging since 2008) to talk about a very important part of married life. I hesitate to talk about marriage, because I know I haven’t arrived and who am I to give any advice or even write on  the topic? There are so many resources for marriage, from books, conferences and radio programs. Will my few sentences make a difference? All questions I’ve pondered for a very long time.

As the wife of a pastor who has taken care of the flock of four churches, I have seen the demise of way too many marriages. I ‘ve seen many struggle with trying to stay married. In the hushed whispers of privileged conversations, I’ve heard gut wrenching sobs of ruined lives because of a marriage that could not stay the course.

It is with those things in mind that I wade into the water of sex in marriage. I recently was accepted to help launch this book, 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex and Intimacy. I also helped launch Pulling Back the Shades earlier this year. Both of these books are written by Dr. Juli Slattery who is with Authentic Intimacy. Now, mom, if you’re reading, don’t blush! But this is such an important aspect of marriage I cannot be quiet anymore. I have not read this book yet, but trust Dr. Juli and her team  and Moody publishers, enough to know what she writes is God centered and based on the Word of God. You can head over to the web site to read the first chapter and some of the questions posed and answered. You can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, or friend me on Facebook where I will be spreading the news about this book in the coming weeks. It hasn’t been released yet, but it will be one you will want to add to your library!

How would I answer questions about this important subject? You will have to stay tuned for more thoughts on the subject of sex between a husband and wife. It was God’s idea in the first place,(Genesis 4:1) so I’m guessing it’s ok to talk about. No worries, I will be tasteful. (Genesis 2:25)

25 questions#25Questionsbook


Tomorrow( or today for those reading on November 9)  Rob and I will celebrate 27 years of marriage. Each year God gives us to be together we remember and celebrate…
…if you really knew how very different we are, it is a reason to celebrate.
It is a reason to remember because life is too short to take our spouses for granted believing he/she will be there when we wake up in the morning. I am reminded on a daily basis, i.e Hurricane Sandy, or the diagnosis of cancer and the spouse is gone in 16 days. Or the leukemia diagnosis of a young child. In our line of work life and death are daily reminders. Anyway, I have written about my beloved husband on several occasions on this blog. What follows is one that still hits home for me.
I have told Rob many times…I’ve NEVER wanted to be married to anyone else, I DON’T think of anyone else and I will ALWAYS be his wife until God takes us to Himself.
Ohhhhhhh…there are days…
but I am his and he is mine and now it has been written for the whole world to see.

(Written in 2010)

As a little girl I would play this silly game, picking a petal off a flower as I repeated…
“he loves me, he loves me not”.

As I think about it today I wonder where did that game come from? and what does it mean?
Sad to say, I have played that same game in my head more times than I like to count. We are approaching our 25th wedding anniversary and far too many times I have insisted he love ME the way I want to be loved. How SELFISH is that?

Far too many years I have knelt at the altar of ROMANCE.

Before I continue this is not a post disregarding romance or my definition of it. So hang in there with me. I love flowers, intimate dinners, vacations without kids as much as the next person. But I’ve been fooled into thinking my husband should…

no I’ve demanded he do this, this and this and then I will KNOW he loves me. Again, SELFISH!

I have dreamt of many things I wish he would do. My heart has longed for all my definitions of romance and yes I have sinned to get MY way. And when that happens…when I sin to get what I think I should have…an idol has been constructed in my heart.
I have for too long defined my marriage by the worlds standards.

Today and everyday I tell myself

  • He loves God and His Word supremely.
  • He loves me, I have never had to worry he may love another.
  • He loves his children with all his heart.
  • He encourages me in my walk with the Lord, to serve God in how I believe He has called me
  • He holds down the fort when I make my many trips to Iowa
  • He cooks when I don’t feel well

The list could go on and on…
He recently bought me a beautiful card and perfume for no reason and we spend evenings together watching movies he thinks I will like. He is always looking out for me and my best interests…He isn’t perfect, but God has given him to me and that is enough.


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