Because I am in a unique position of pastor’s wife, I see and experience so much joy, blessings, and sorrow. The reason the past couple of weeks, and since Christmas, have been so painful is because I attempt to live life to the fullest and embrace people and try to love well.But those I love and embrace will die, and they have, but I cannot keep people at arm’s length, what fun is that? When life is lived filled to the brim and overflowing, there will be so much joy…but there will also be much sadness and grief. I am finding I process grief through writing. Which is how Confessions of A Farmer’s Daughter was birthed. Shortly after my dad passed away over seven years ago, I was determined to write the book I had begun so many years ago, and it took over six to complete. Yes, it is still available!! I hope you will hang with me as I process again.
We all grieve differently. Scores of books have been written on the subject. There are grief groups, and grief seminars, etc. So much information on the subject, but what do I do when faced with someone who has just lost a loved one, be it suddenly or after a long illness? I’ve asked those questions myself. What do I say? How do I act? Will I say the wrong thing? I asked my mom several years ago to talk to me about what happens when the funeral is over, the dinner has been eaten and the flowers disbursed, and the family members have gone back to their own lives before it was forever changed. Her wisdom, along with a few ways I am adding, follow on how to help those who are grieving
- It’s ok to weep with those who weep. Don’t be ashamed or afraid of tears.
- Call. Don’t know what to say? Simply,’Hi, just calling to see how you are doing today. Would you like to go out for coffee, lunch or dinner’ Better yet, invite them to your home or ask if you can bring a meal and eat with them.
- Be there to listen and offer practical help. Don’t say–call me if you need something, offer to help with something specifically. Does the widow need help with her car, the house or navigating finances? Does the widower know how to cook? Does he need help with keeping the house cleaned up? We are all different in what we want help with, but don’t neglect, offer specific help, they will tell you if they want your help in that area.
- Don’t avoid those who have lost a spouse. Yes, this happens. The two are now one, and to even write that sentence brings sadness, but embrace those who are grieving. They don’t need our words of wisdom, they need to know they can count on us to walk with them. My knee jerk reaction is to want to do everything I can to lessen the pain. But, I can’t. They will eventually have to be alone, will have to learn to navigate a different life and I can’t do that, I wish I could. But Jesus is in the darkness and he holds onto us no matter what.
Our dear Pastor Brian spoke during the Sunday morning service last week. His words were simple and to the point. He is leaning hard on God and is stayed by the promises of God. He said he doesn’t know how he would have gotten through this sudden loss of his wife without the family of God surrounding him and helping him get through these initial days. He can count on this community of believers to love him, ask him how he is today, because everyday will be different. He knows God is sovereign, His God loves Him, and that is how he faces tomorrow.
May we all love, because God first loved us.